the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
