Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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