so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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