i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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