all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
