Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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