Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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