the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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