Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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