Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
