my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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