i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
