you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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