well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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