everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
