would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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