i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
