if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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