I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
