I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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