You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
