his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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