the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
