I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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