i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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