Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize