I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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