I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize