the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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