Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
