I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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