your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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