he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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