I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
