Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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