I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
