Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
