I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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