Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
