Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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