I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
