where am i from again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
