Where is the hickey?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
