My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
