Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
