Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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