I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
