There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
