the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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