just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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