Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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