Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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