ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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