Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
