You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
