dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
