After last night, I could never be a politician.
I faked an abortion last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
