How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
