So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
