I wish i was in the wii world.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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