You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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