I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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