When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
