you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
