Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
