this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
