Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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