I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
